"People exist for each other" — the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius said. That is all of us give something and we receive from communication and the relations. And it is normal while borders remain reasonable. When there is an unequal exchange, it eventually exhausts the one whom manipulate.
We have brought together councils how not to fall a victim of acquaintances who in everything look for benefit.
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To achieve the objectives, manipulators quite often represent from themselves offended and offended. You feel guilty, believing that you have really seriously trodden on corns of the person. As a result you try "to smooth down" the acts which have led to such reaction, and here you are already ready to satisfy all requests, conditions, and sometimes and requirements even if they are contrary to your interests.
What to do? If your fault really takes place to be, analyse her degree: what do have specifically led your actions to? Also eliminate only these consequences. For example, you have accidentally pushed the colleague, he has spilled coffee on a floor. Apologize and call the cleaner. Asks to complete in addition for him the difficult task charged to him? It seems, it already too.
At first constantly admire you: "Oh, you are so sociable! You have a fine circle of contacts. And work at you what remarkable! Probably, you not bad earn. And you drive the car? As it is good that we live nearby from each other". Everything, your "threshold of protection" is lowered. Then the list of instructions follows: to acquaint from wons that "star", to lend so much money and to bring regularly to the house.
What to do? To give a compliment or not is an independent decision of the person. You didn't ask anybody to extol you in every possible way. So you don't hurry to agree and make promises about which you will be sorry then. Thank for kind words in your address. Safely sweep aside the requests contradicting your principles. If there are what you can execute under certain conditions, discuss them with the cold head.
If you the professional in any sphere (for example, perfectly you write texts, either you do massage, or you translate from Chinese) or at you are any interesting hobby (for example, you paint pictures, you compose music, you knit scarves), surely there will be persons interested to receive results of your work gift. If it is difficult for you to refuse to them, you risk to become the "free" master and all the time to spend for "charity" in favor of not needing, and just impudent.
What to do? Of course, in response to the statement that this work costs so much, the manipulator right there will accuse you of commercialism. Parry the fact that any work has to be paid, give justification of the price called by you. The person continues to insist on the? As a last resort ignore and separate not to bring a situation to the conflict.
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The similar situation occurs in the friendly or romantic relations. The friend / girlfriend or the partner ignores you, and even behaves in an unseemly, offensive way. But as soon as you decide to interrupt such destructive communication, you are tried to be returned in every way. What, naturally, flatters vanity. You feel that you are necessary that you a master of the situation. And so on an infinite circle of self-deception.
What to do? Actually you not a master of the situation. Most likely, you in a trap at the manipulator. Sit down at a table, paint pluses and minuses of these relations. It is more moments which aren't suiting you? A toga bring at last to a logical conclusion what was begun. Explain the position accurately and quietly and any more don't come back neither to this conversation, nor to this person.
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Address you with the transaction in the "service for service" format. You, including the personality very useful to you, agree. You are really helped — with something insignificant. But in exchange for it want favor much bigger. For example, the event-manager gets inexpensive and quite to himself the available ticket for a concert for the economist. From the economist — the new business plan for firm of the event-manager. Whether exchange is equivalent?
What to do? Before delightfully exclaiming "Yes!", find out what services you will have to exchange, and compare their sizes. If it is necessary, take a break and find out everything about the offer which to you tries "to advance" the manipulator.
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Requests pour in abundance moreover and with theatrical pantomimes? Something it seems "Except you there is nobody to address any more", "Understand my position", "You are my last hope", "Differently I will be gone". Only the person with iron nerves won't give in. Having received the desirable, the sufferer friend doesn't appear to following "trouble". Every time the repeating scenario — an occasion to think.
What to do? The eternal problems which are regularly solved by means of you — quite to yourself sign that you are necessary to the person only for mercantile reasons. Ask yourself 2 questions: whether really communication with him is important for you and whether really you want to help him? If isn't present, then why all these tortures?
If you constantly use, in the global plan this investigation of a low self-assessment. As soon as self-confidence increases, persons interested to profit your resources will disappear. Understand for yourself the strengths, remember merits, decide on the dreams, desires, the purposes.
Inability or fear to tell "no" — one of forms in which problems with a self-assessment are shown. Try to overcome several times yourself, leaning on the facts, but not on emotions. Eventually, it is impossible to live others tasks all the time, so, and others life.
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