Many of us have a friend who visited Everest, made a thousand parachute jumps and crossed The English channel. We admire an outstanding personality, but only until we get to know her better. Further in the comparison of all the facts surrounding you find a lot of inconsistencies and realize that most of the facts of his biography the man invented. But why?
And all of us at least once got into a situation when we were late for a meeting. And on the phone convinced the waiting friend that is on the way, although in fact only pulled the sock. Why do we lie, even though we know the truth will come out?
We we decided to find out why people lie even unnecessarily and how to deal with pathological liars.
Dr. house was right: we are all liars. Someone exaggerates a little, others do not tell the truth. Why? Agree, in many ways it makes life easier. We do not want to discuss our life with a colleague, so the question "how are you?"answer" All is well", even if the soul scratching cats. Moreover, we guess that the question sounded purely out of politeness and the development of the conversation will not please any of the parties.
People learn to lie early in life. Already at the age of 3, the child understands that the thoughts in his head belong only to him and no one can read them. At the same time, he tries to tell a lie just out of curiosity — on the principle of "what will happen?".
As you get older, you use lies to your advantage. So, the child says to mother that her favourite vase was broken by the pet, the school student tears out a page of the diary with the deuce, the teenager tells parents that goes to spend the night to the friend, but not to a disco, and the adult doesn't come to work because "I was sick".
A noble lie, or a lie for salvation, occurs when we cover a colleague in front of the boss or we want to isolate another person from unpleasant information. For example, if you know that the husband of a friend is cheating on her, but do not want to reveal his secret, then justify the necessary lies fear to destroy their Union.
Another thing is that in this situation we can suffer ourselves. If a friend still finds out the truth about her husband, the friendship is over, because your lies, too, sooner or later will surface.
We allow ourselves to embellish our lives a little to gain respect in the eyes of others: we exaggerate the cost of the phone or talk about visiting exotic countries that we have not actually visited. Such stories are driven by envy and low self-esteem. The grass is greener, a colleague's salary is higher, and the girlfriend's husband more interesting. And we want to keep up and even, on the contrary, to surpass other people, even if only in words.
At some point, it may even seem that our words are not far from the truth: with the money all good, and the loan for the car I ever pay. And this is self-deception, which can lead to serious mental problems, experts say.
Perhaps the most socially acceptable version of a lie. Being at least the most notorious truth-teller, the question "how do you like dinner?"at a party you hardly always answer the truth. Even if the dish seems tasteless, you praise the culinary abilities of the hostess and exponentially eat a piece that does not climb into the throat. In this case, we lie, so as not to offend loved ones with their straightforwardness and not to be considered rude.
Such a lie is a part of life in society, moreover, the inability to it may indicate the presence of Asperger's syndrome — a violation of the development of the autistic spectrum of the brain.
There is a type of people who are not able to adequately assess their own capabilities. And they are very afraid to disappoint or offend people who turn to them for help. Trouble-free people take on an exorbitant amount of care. As a result, they do not cope and still fail others.
Therefore, if a friend asked you to help with the move, and on this day you have scheduled the delivery of the report, you'd better say it honestly. It will be easier for a friend to change his plans in advance than to face an unpleasant fact at the last moment.
Pathological liars also form at an early age. But in this case there is an unhealthy situation in the child's family, when one of the parents or both deny the reality and inadequately perceive the truth from the lips of Chad. For example, a child is faced with the fact that the mother swears, ignores or takes offense at the truth. But when he lies, he gets praise. Thus, the lie begins to be associated with the correct behavior, and then this mechanism is fixed and transferred into adulthood.
Such a person lies about and without and even builds his own reality, in which he eventually tightens more and more. Worst of all is those who finds such a character among close friends, or learns of your spouse.
The syndrome of a pathological liar is a serious mental disorder, and such people need the help of a specialist. It is pointless to expect them to change themselves. Therefore, it is important to be able to identify pathological liars.
Lies on the part of an ordinary person can be calculated by a number of both verbal and non-verbal signs that are familiar to everyone: a running glance, a trembling voice, a frozen facial expression, avaricious and strange gestures, rapid breathing, a change in the tone of speech, etc.All this creates the impression of unnatural behavior that we read even unconsciously.
It is more difficult to calculate a pathological liar. s psyche is different from the norm, which helps the liar easier to invent stories and to believe in them. This means that there are no somatic manifestations of lies: it is about such people who say "lies and does not blush". And yet to understand that in front of you pathological liar, can be on some grounds.
Lying makes our lives easier and sometimes helps a lot. So it seems that if you lie in the details, it will not be worse. However, a small lie always generates a big one. And, standing on the slippery path of deception, we must always be on the alert, so as not to forget who and what lied, and successfully maintain the legend. So isn't it easier to live a true life?
What lie do you think is justified?
Illustrator Natalia Tylosova especially for